i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
