he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
