worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
