nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
