Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
