I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How's work?
Spinning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
