Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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