the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
