I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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