Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
