2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dignity is for republicans.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
