i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize