Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
