My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
