I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
