Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
