I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
