accomplished twins. life is a go
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
