ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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