Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
