We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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