Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
