i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
