you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize