Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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