it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
