i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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