The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
