You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
