I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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