If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
