he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
