So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
