I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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