Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize