Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
