I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
