My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
