My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
