R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
