You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
