everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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