and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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