fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
