I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
