just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
