Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
