I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
