I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
