Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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