I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just puked most of my soul out..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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