Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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