Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
