i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
is it fun? or sober?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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