My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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