I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
