yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I will pee on everything he values.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
