Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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