I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize