you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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