can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
