Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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