Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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