i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she woke up with a sticky ear
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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