and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there's paper in my vomit.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
