yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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