He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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