how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
