how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think your dad took our porno
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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