I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
