I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
