don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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