so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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