I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
