He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
