I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
soo... how was my night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
