I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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