i was born a porn star she said
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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