I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
