Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
