my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
