I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
