I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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