after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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