Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
