She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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