This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
