i don't like sucking hair
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
