Do vagina's smell?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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