I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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