Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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