Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
