Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
