My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
