That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
